Post by BadInfluence on Oct 20, 2015 4:33:40 GMT 9.5
Garafin,
I know I didn’t come back to our room last night… And… It must have seemed so confusing after everything last night.
I don’t really… Have any excuses…
The truth is… I’m scared… Terrified…
I spent years locking myself up inside, teaching myself not to feel anything anymore, I couldn’t stand the pain of losing you and our baby…
I taught myself to be numb… To not feel anything and I did… Really well… I lived a peaceful life…
When I found out about Rose… When I came back because I just… I had to know… And when I found you there…
I wanted to run away…
I was leaving that night you caught me out in the sudden snow storm…
You made me stay…
When everything came out with Marabelle, when she asked me to help, to stay because she could see how much I loved you…
I started to lose that shell… It started to crack… I tried to say away from you as much as I could… It helped to keep the secret Marabelle made me promise… It helped to keep her sickness a secret…
I was so tired from all the work that I didn’t notice the cracks spreading…
When you asked me to come with you… When I had no plan on coming to Silverthorne ever again… I couldn’t tell you no… Even though I knew it was going to hurt me in the end…
It already hurt me so badly to see you after you learned about Marabelle… To watch it all and know… I couldn’t do Anything… Your pain… Was my Pain… My failure because… I can’t undo what is happening to her…
And…
I was jealous because I didn’t think that… You missed me… Like how you were going to miss her…
Then to go to a place that held nothing but painful memories for me…
It’s all rather… Crashing down… I feel so small and petty for it all… Like a child… I’m more than old enough to be better than this…
Can you imagine how much this makes me hate myself?...
And now…
I have your ring on my finger, but it hasn’t eased your heart, nor your mind at all… I’ve only complicated it…
How can you figure out how you want to proceed… When you have me lusting after you… Throwing myself at you like some… Some common prostitute… Worse in a way…
At least a prostitute walks away after the first ‘No’…
And what’s worse… I still want you, even after your gentle refusal of my offer last night…
It’s alright… I don’t blame you… Truly… I can’t blame you for wanting a younger woman… It’s perfectly normal really…
Forgive me… I’m rambling…
The truth is that...
I… I need time away from… Everyone… And now that we’ve seen Rosamund married… I have no reason to stay…
I have written her a letter to explain what has happened… Just telling her an emergency has arisen so there is no discomfort to you…
I need a chance to… To just… Not feel everything so much…
I will be there to care for Marabelle, you need not worry that this will be detrimental to her in any way, I promise you she will not hear anything from me…
This is not me refusing you as my suitor either I just…
Please… Forgive me…
I just… Need to go away…
–Melima…
I know I didn’t come back to our room last night… And… It must have seemed so confusing after everything last night.
I don’t really… Have any excuses…
The truth is… I’m scared… Terrified…
I spent years locking myself up inside, teaching myself not to feel anything anymore, I couldn’t stand the pain of losing you and our baby…
I taught myself to be numb… To not feel anything and I did… Really well… I lived a peaceful life…
When I found out about Rose… When I came back because I just… I had to know… And when I found you there…
I wanted to run away…
I was leaving that night you caught me out in the sudden snow storm…
You made me stay…
When everything came out with Marabelle, when she asked me to help, to stay because she could see how much I loved you…
I started to lose that shell… It started to crack… I tried to say away from you as much as I could… It helped to keep the secret Marabelle made me promise… It helped to keep her sickness a secret…
I was so tired from all the work that I didn’t notice the cracks spreading…
When you asked me to come with you… When I had no plan on coming to Silverthorne ever again… I couldn’t tell you no… Even though I knew it was going to hurt me in the end…
It already hurt me so badly to see you after you learned about Marabelle… To watch it all and know… I couldn’t do Anything… Your pain… Was my Pain… My failure because… I can’t undo what is happening to her…
And…
I was jealous because I didn’t think that… You missed me… Like how you were going to miss her…
Then to go to a place that held nothing but painful memories for me…
It’s all rather… Crashing down… I feel so small and petty for it all… Like a child… I’m more than old enough to be better than this…
Can you imagine how much this makes me hate myself?...
And now…
I have your ring on my finger, but it hasn’t eased your heart, nor your mind at all… I’ve only complicated it…
How can you figure out how you want to proceed… When you have me lusting after you… Throwing myself at you like some… Some common prostitute… Worse in a way…
At least a prostitute walks away after the first ‘No’…
And what’s worse… I still want you, even after your gentle refusal of my offer last night…
It’s alright… I don’t blame you… Truly… I can’t blame you for wanting a younger woman… It’s perfectly normal really…
Forgive me… I’m rambling…
The truth is that...
I… I need time away from… Everyone… And now that we’ve seen Rosamund married… I have no reason to stay…
I have written her a letter to explain what has happened… Just telling her an emergency has arisen so there is no discomfort to you…
I need a chance to… To just… Not feel everything so much…
I will be there to care for Marabelle, you need not worry that this will be detrimental to her in any way, I promise you she will not hear anything from me…
This is not me refusing you as my suitor either I just…
Please… Forgive me…
I just… Need to go away…
–Melima…