Post by BadInfluence on Jul 14, 2019 14:29:36 GMT 9.5
My Sweet Orchid,
I can only imagine the sort of patience you must have in spades to walk me through my blunders… As much as I would have liked to say that there will be few and far between that just isn’t the case and likely won’t be for a very long time. To be honest I’m lost in so many ways but there’s a light at the end of my tunnel, and that light? It’s you… You found me when I was fumbling about in the dark, blind and deaf to the truth around me and you brought me out of that abyss and into something so blindingly brilliant that it hurts. I’ve forgotten how to be myself in all the years of being someone else… A lover, a fighter, a friend and a father were all roles I played but I was so stiff… I wasn’t really there in the fullest sense, rather I was washed out, a watered down version of how it was supposed to be.
It’s really rather painful to look back on it now. I was a king of my own world, a God among the pawns, to move and discard as easily as I might a wooden piece versus the flesh and blood person that I manipulated. Meeting you showed me so many things I had only played at, the truth of a ruler and a parent, of what true strength really is… You humble me in Every Sense of the Word.
I don’t know what I did to upset you but I can feel it like a static charge in the air right before lightning strikes. What ever it was I am sorry and I won’t do it again, I can promise you that with all my heart, my soul… And I can do is try to make amends and swear to never repeat the offence… I’ve… I’ve forgotten what it meant to be with someone Gia… In the real sense. Sydel and I, we had this dance down like a children’s drawing in crayon and craft paper, we never had to wonder about the other because we’d adapted to each other over the years that we became second nature to each other… And in that time we also forgot to realize we needed to grow as individuals. We forgot that we were no longer children playing at romance and rage, that between the time of when we met and when we parted, we were supposed to support each other in our paths of change… I smothered her, I made her into something she was trying to no longer be and I didn’t even realize it, I just kept playing the same game with her without realizing that the board and the rules had changed over time… I ruined her and I don’t want to do the same with you…
Teach me…
Teach me how to live, Gia… Teach me how to live like you, to see people as they are and as they might be, to know how to love someone… And yet still know that it’s ok… That it’s ok if they might grow apart from you as they learn who they are becoming and who they were meant to be… Let me learn from you how to not be afraid of someone leaving…
But… Most of all… If nothing else please… Be patient with me a little longer and don’t hate me too much for the many mistakes I will likely make as your Shield Master and your Husband. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been vulnerable and in a position to need to learn anything that I’ve forgotten so much… And other parts… Other parts I never learned at all. I can promise you though I will love you every single day we are together, I will love you through the pain and the blood, through the war and the darkness… I will love you through every success and triumph and I’ll love you through any failures… I’ll hold you up when you are too tired to stand and I will carry the burdens when they grow too heavy for your shoulders…
I do love you Gia… You are my romance, my fairy tale, the Princess who woke the sleeping Prince with a kiss…
Ever Your Slave,
Nautilous
I can only imagine the sort of patience you must have in spades to walk me through my blunders… As much as I would have liked to say that there will be few and far between that just isn’t the case and likely won’t be for a very long time. To be honest I’m lost in so many ways but there’s a light at the end of my tunnel, and that light? It’s you… You found me when I was fumbling about in the dark, blind and deaf to the truth around me and you brought me out of that abyss and into something so blindingly brilliant that it hurts. I’ve forgotten how to be myself in all the years of being someone else… A lover, a fighter, a friend and a father were all roles I played but I was so stiff… I wasn’t really there in the fullest sense, rather I was washed out, a watered down version of how it was supposed to be.
It’s really rather painful to look back on it now. I was a king of my own world, a God among the pawns, to move and discard as easily as I might a wooden piece versus the flesh and blood person that I manipulated. Meeting you showed me so many things I had only played at, the truth of a ruler and a parent, of what true strength really is… You humble me in Every Sense of the Word.
I don’t know what I did to upset you but I can feel it like a static charge in the air right before lightning strikes. What ever it was I am sorry and I won’t do it again, I can promise you that with all my heart, my soul… And I can do is try to make amends and swear to never repeat the offence… I’ve… I’ve forgotten what it meant to be with someone Gia… In the real sense. Sydel and I, we had this dance down like a children’s drawing in crayon and craft paper, we never had to wonder about the other because we’d adapted to each other over the years that we became second nature to each other… And in that time we also forgot to realize we needed to grow as individuals. We forgot that we were no longer children playing at romance and rage, that between the time of when we met and when we parted, we were supposed to support each other in our paths of change… I smothered her, I made her into something she was trying to no longer be and I didn’t even realize it, I just kept playing the same game with her without realizing that the board and the rules had changed over time… I ruined her and I don’t want to do the same with you…
Teach me…
Teach me how to live, Gia… Teach me how to live like you, to see people as they are and as they might be, to know how to love someone… And yet still know that it’s ok… That it’s ok if they might grow apart from you as they learn who they are becoming and who they were meant to be… Let me learn from you how to not be afraid of someone leaving…
But… Most of all… If nothing else please… Be patient with me a little longer and don’t hate me too much for the many mistakes I will likely make as your Shield Master and your Husband. It’s been such a long time since I’ve been vulnerable and in a position to need to learn anything that I’ve forgotten so much… And other parts… Other parts I never learned at all. I can promise you though I will love you every single day we are together, I will love you through the pain and the blood, through the war and the darkness… I will love you through every success and triumph and I’ll love you through any failures… I’ll hold you up when you are too tired to stand and I will carry the burdens when they grow too heavy for your shoulders…
I do love you Gia… You are my romance, my fairy tale, the Princess who woke the sleeping Prince with a kiss…
Ever Your Slave,
Nautilous