a letter to Diovan from Jacob

[Deleted]

..after the chat with Nautilous.. he felt it time to pen a letter.. he had already been in discussion with his Mother quite often.. his concern for her could be seen as Honorable.. but it was his Mother.. she may not have been there for the better part of his life.. but she'd been there for him ever since.. she wasn't soft like most Mothers..but.. he always felt her heart was in the right place.. she was a fierce protector of her family.. and she always looked out for him.. The letter would arrive to the shop.. addressed to Diovan..


Diovan

I do sincerely hope you are well, and that everything around you is much the same.. I cant be certain if Mother has told you at all but we have been in communication here and there.. She tells me you are teaching her how to write.. I look forward to receiving the first written communication from her in the next year.. I commend you for that.. Your patience is Honorable..

The reason for my letter is this.. and its perhaps a bit of a heavy one.. I will you to keep this to yourself.. at least in the short term.. Though I wont attempt to tell you what to do or what is best, it is merely a suggestion..


That afternoon, when I returned to the surgical suite on the surface and I found Sydel gone I located her wedding ring and a few other items.. I couldn't find you so I figured you had taken her back to Arvandor.. which with the knowledge I gained shortly afterwards was the best course of action to take.. Thankyou for that.. from the bottom of my heart.. I appreciate it more than you might know..


Now.. I dont know if you are privy to this.. but your Brother is planning to Marry soon.. as far as customs go.. Menzoberranzan has its own set of rules.. so realistically and legally he would be able to Marry Gia without having to dissolve the Marriage with Sydel.. as the two never occur on the same records.. The issue I have with this.. and its something that I have brought to his attention is that.. whilst that works for him.. it does not work for Sydel. It locks her in and, I dont find that terribly fair. My heart tells me that you will want to finally marry her one day.. and if this is not dissolved you wont be able to..


At some point the rings will need to be placed into the burning chalice.. Nautilous now understands the importance of this..and is willing to attend, but is hesitant, and quite unsure on how Sydel is going to take it.. what with how everything ended..


I am writing to you to let you know that I am in the process of trying to sort out the best time.. but I wanted your opinion. Its just as important as his, if not more so.. I dont expect an answer immediately , and this does not need to be done tomorrow.. there is time.. Its just something that I feel we need to get working quietly in the background in preparation..

I want whats best for my Mother and for You.. I desire nothing more than to see you both content if that is your future.


I have something else coming up.. soon, its a secret.. Im planning on marrying my Rose, giving her short notice.. but having it all organised so all she has to do it turn up.. now I would love it for you both to attend.. but I would never expect it.. My heart understands the hurt..


Think about it.. and write me with your thoughts when you have a moment

Thanking you for your time

-Jacob

[BadInfluence]

Jacob,

It was a happy surprise to receive your letter. She has been keeping me abreast of the conversations and she has been coming along quite well with her reading and writing so far. She can manage smaller letters now, akin to perhaps a small childs, but it is so much farther along than anyone could have expected. She most certainly has a drive for it now that she did not when she was younger. I have a feeling that within the year she will be able to write you a letter of her own hand of this I have no doubt.

I would rather not keep secrets as her first husband had a rather bad habit of keeping many and more from her and others… It has been my daily effort to ensure that we keep nothing from each other but in this situation I fear that there is no other option. I have on occasion tried to bring certain things up in conversation, quite lightly, but she shuts them down immediately… I fear she feels as though she were unwanted from the start… While she has her friends here, the bulk of her family and those she loved just left, and while I understand that it was all just a matter of timing… She does not see it on the outside. It will take more time before things change but I hold out hope, she will adjust, your mother is far more resilient than anyone knows.

As for your father… Yes, I am aware of the pending adoption, and I don’t fault you for it… This chasm between us is of my own making and my lack of understanding how to be a father or a friend to you. I am well aware he plans on marring and becoming a member of Menzoberranzan, a place which suits him far better than any other I will confess, and I wish him luck… Though when it comes to your mother and I, I have already proposed but from here out the pace we go is the one we set, she has been badly wounded and I will not push her to make any choices or take any particular direction. I am not even sure she wishes to divorce your father for all I am well aware she is frequently exhausted keeping the channel between the two of them silent…

Broaching the subject will be hard but I will do my best to try and see how to get around to it. I was planning on taking her to see your uncle Garafin so the two can talk and catch up, he has always been a source of happiness for her when the whole world seems bleak, I will front him to see what he thinks in regards to how to bring it up. For while you want what is best for us, I just want what is best for her, and I am not about to think I know everything. In the end all the choices are for her to make because I feel she’s had enough people telling her how she aught to live.

Note I do not mean to imply things or point fingers, this is simply the trend that has followed her for her whole life, from her ‘parents’ to Caela and all the rest. While I dislike how she and Nautilous had broken up I am actually grateful to him. For the first time he left so that she could make her own choices from there out.

As soon as I get an answer in regards to this situation though I will tell you right away.

Now, as for the wedding I would love to go, but I am not sure if I can work Sydel around to it on my own… We were just speaking of you coming up to help us find the perfect plot of land to build a house on… Perhaps you can breach the topic with her on that front, just the two of you as any inflection on mine or anyone else aught only come at the end, not before… And please, do not bring Rose, for your mother feels that Rose betrayed her… Do not ask me why because I can not tell you but she feels strongly about this.

But at the end of all this I would like to tell you some happy news from here. Garafin is doing well and the Inn is as busy as ever, Taru is an amazing mother to little Sylwyn and we had the amazing news that Garafin is about to be a father all over again as Taru is now pregnant with twins. As you can imagine your Uncle is over the moon and has gone about almost baby proofing the whole Inn, to the amusement and at times confusion of many guests, you can imagine the hilarity that ensues when drunk patrons try to open a cupboard for a glass of water…

Aylan and Vivian are peas in a pod and the two are as happy as can be together, Vivian also says to tell you she will be sending a care package down soon with your favorite cakes and cookies, and everyone here sends their love to you. We miss you and sincerely hope you are doing well and enjoying this strange new adventure you are on… For if anyone in Arvandor could never settle down his roots too deep it was you, you had a wanders soul in you and you always will, the universe and all its realms is just an adventure to you… Waiting to be had.

And… Prayers for your mother and I if you can spare them? Your mother did express one thing to me that we have been working hard towards… We wish to start a family together, one where we are both present, but as you are aware it is quite hard for witch elves to conceive. Any prayers to Hanali would be appreciated, she always had a soft spot for you, and we can use all the help we can get…

I will write you again soon Jacob, be safe down there, and give our love to your Rose and Father.

Sincerely,

Diovan

[Deleted]

Diovan

That is certainly wonderful news, hearing that she is doing so well with the letter writing and reading.. You two must have found the right way to allow it to sink in finally, I will be looking forward to that letter most definitely.

I am not a big fan of secrets either, and would much rather everything was out in the open ..but I guess sometimes it is warranted in at least the short term. I fear the only thing that will truly rectify this will be time itself.. and I cant even be sure if that will do it. Its almost like being caught between the proverbial rock and the hard place.. on one hand.. time will hopefully let things settle enough to chance re-opening communication channels.. but then again.. would it be better to rip the bandage off so to speak..bring it all out in the open.. fire and brimstone..anger and sadness and every emotional known to man.. to blow up and be over.. In all my years .. which admittedly in comparison to a great number of those I do know i realise they are short in supply.. but.. ive not come across a situation where I was at a loss in what to do next. Perhaps the answers will come soon.


Ah, yes the adoption, I dont know that its a chasm so much as..its just we were displaced.. the one piece that would have brought us together was removed.so we didn't know to go to each other.. Its not fault on your part.. I am still very much interested in getting to know you better though, in remaining close.. we will always be blood.. nothing will change that.. and with you being such a big part of my Mothers life.. well its not likely that we will ever be far from one another..

Your words on Mother being exhausted keeping that channel silent answers a few questions I did have, for when I was in discussion with your brother it did come up that he was not wanting to remove that so he could always be sure she was safe..

a selfless and selfish act in of itself.. I have read up on this connection and what it entails.. the fact she is able to keep it silent for such a length of time requires a great deal of focus and energy expenditure.. its quite fascinating.. and worrying..

I knew it would be hard when it came to the wedding and your attendance, it is why I figured I would tell you and then let it be. As much as I would love for you both to attend in some form I would never force the issue. Though hearing you are looking to build, thats wonderful news.. I will write her about that and see if perhaps we can work something out that would work for us both. As for Rose.. Ah.. yes, understood. The waters will probably be a little rocky for a while, for in every war there are always casualties..

Thankyou for the series of good news though, it was lovely to hear about Garafin and Taru.. and then of Vivian and Aylan.. sounds like everything is settling up there very smoothly.. Last I heard Aysil was coming down here to work along side Anya Navere.. to be trained as a Priestess.. magic runs strong in the family it seems.


You have my focused prayers Diovan, I hold my hand to my heart when I say I wish you two nothing but the best when it comes to starting a family of your own. Such a blessing, I am aware of the difficulties yes, and whilst they can be tricky is it far from impossible. Though.. might I make a suggestion.. something that has just now come to me.. I am guessing you have been working hard toward this goal.. and as of yet nothing has come to fruition.. could it be that with her holding that connection closed.. that the energy and magic expenditure is just enough for her body to bare.. that it wont allow any other kind of stress.. like a child.. to flicker into being. Its a possibility, I cant be certain and I dont want to give you false hopes.. but call it food for thought.


You are both in my prayers, I will pass on your well wishes and love.. Please do offer mine to everyone there.. I will come and visit soon I promise


Much care

-Jacob

[BadInfluence]

Dear Jacob,

Something like that. She always found it terribly boring to be sitting in a classroom when the world was waiting to be explored. I just took the lessons outside, made it a bit more interactive, less pen and paper and more nature driven. It seems to be working well and with her own goals in mind and working at her pace she seems to finally be able to enjoy it too. Believe me when I say our old school master was about as exciting as wet lavatory paper.

As to secrets I suppose there must be a right time and place for them. While I might not agree with them, I fear your point is well made and needs must meet at this juncture. Sydel, from what I have seen so far, is willing to do everything and anything but be reminded of him in any way. Everything that might have had a lingering ghost of him has been wiped away or she refuses to go near it and I can’t say I blame her to be honest. It’s like the lingering smoke of a lifetime having been burnt to ash… She wants to avoid it all as much as possible. Still… It is perhaps horrible of me to say this, but I think the band-aid might be best… Sydel has always been the sort to… Keep it all bottled up until the pressure finally pops the top. She won’t do a thing about it until it gets to that point on her own so… Well… It might be best to say… Shake the bottle? Otherwise I don’t really think it will happen on it’s own, not for a long time and I’m afraid that if it linger it might do serious, long lasting trauma.

You and I though… Perhaps Chasm is indeed the wrong word… Perhaps we are more-so like a fish and the sea, you were taken from me before you knew me and vise verse, so when we met up again we were quite alien and unaccustomed to each other. You grew up in a beautiful aquarium with a very tender and loving guardian in Garafin and I just kept on being the solitary creature I always had been. We may perhaps get to know each other better over time but if I might be really bold? Save these energies for you and this surprise wedding you want to have. We can write like this, slowly peel back the layers that the years have plastered on us, see where it goes between visits… But I’d much prefer it if you stopped being so sefless all the time and learn to be greedy.

Sadly there are a lot of rather… Poor traits you likely inherited from your mother and I… A feeling of a lack of self-worth or value… Bad luck with romance… A struggle with children relationships in and out of a coupling… A horrible ability to put your foot in your mouth at the worst times possible… And the never ending knack of self-sacrifice. While I can’t say the others are of you, I know for a fact the latter is something you have in spades. Don’t make the mistake I did and think that your good deeds will make everything alright in the end. That’s not always the case and sometimes it’s the people we love most who pay the price for such things.

Nautilous has this… Unerring knack for being utterly loveable and yet despised all at the same time… The things he gets away with no one else could dream of, part endearing and adorable child, part utter devil without a conscience and all too handsome to make him liable for consequence. It’s part of why mother abandoned him as a child. If she would have stayed she would have become his thrall much as most women do, he’s charming beyond reason and means, there’s not a soul alive he couldn’t woo… I guess that’s part of why I hate him so much. Envy over such a long period of time will always warp into hate and sadly I’ve had a very long time to let that particular emotion fester…

I did hear of Aysil going down and not too soon if I can say so myself. She’s not particularly well liked at the moment, without your Father here she’s every bit a wild mare, she’s got every stud in Arvandor panting at her doorstep without his hand to bring her to heel. She has more than a few wives giving her some very displeased looks and don’t get me started on the budding couples… I think her leaving to a more… Structured environment would do her good, Goddess knows Nautilous was the only one who could ever get her to behave, she’s every inch his child and Sydels as well… Very hot headed and strong minded and far too pretty for her own good.

When you come up we will have a small family dinner and catch up, but I hope you will understand if we gloss over and avoid some topics, I don’t want to wrap her up in cotton but I don’t want to throw her into the lions den either. I consider this a huge leap forward wanting to see you and to touch base once more with Garafin and Taru, she’s felt very isolated and alone with no one but me for company, the bridges she defaced as the old Sydel are still pretty raw for many people and she’s treated with a bit of buffer… She’s still trying though and that means the most at the end of the day. She’s not giving up.

There is a chance that the fact we’re struggling might have something to do with it but I am in no rush right now. More than anything I just want her to find a happy center amid the ruins that her life used to be so we can rebuild together from there. I don’t want to say that I think it’s a good thing that she’s so exhausted by it but perhaps this is a blessing in disguise in it’s own way, we can only wait and see, but I will keep you up to date all the same.

On a side note and something a touch heavier than what we’ve danced on, once you’ve married Rose I think it might be best to stay away from Arvandor for a while, not too long but… For some time. When Sybelle was entombed in Hanali’s temple there was a massive earthquake which shook the whole building and caused some large damage to the structure. While it was being cleared some of us discovered that there is in fact a basement, or rather an entire subterranean building that the temple is now situated on, and apparently it has been done multiple times as we dig further down. There’s been a lot of ancient lore and history discovered, as well as books pertaining to family relations that have sent a lot of people into panic…

Arvandor as you know is… Ancient… And we do not outbreed. We typically stick to our own race in our species and that’s it, maybe occasionally marrying out into other branches but not often, and as you can imagine that means that these books… Well they are showing us that there’s not a soul in Arvandor who’s not in some way related to another… Many marriages actually have been found to be in quite close relation, nieces and uncles for instance, others grandfathers and cousins… It’s being kept under the strictest of rules right now because if this got out you can imagine the chaos.

If anything new or interesting arrives I will let you know, but for now stay safe down there and remember, it’s ok to be greedy.

-Diovan

[Deleted]

Diovan


Hmm yes, I guess ripping off the bandage would probably be the better idea, at the very least it has the opportunity to stop the wounds on both sides from festering. Hopefully it comes out with the desired result though, for as we both well know ..sometimes things do just not go to plan. I ask you this though, what do you feel would be the best way to go about it?.. get them both to the location and just toss them in head first?.. ease them into it?.. talk them up to it?.. I have a feeling your Brother is more than willing to rock up where-ever he is needed as he knows he handled it poorly. So I guess it rests on your side?.. without wanting to put so much pressure on you of course, would you be content with ..almost tricking her into it?.. deception for it may well be, but for the greater good. I dont know.. give me your thoughts please. If you would have a preference to speak to Nautilous I will permit him to write you if thats the case. I dont need to be the middle man here, it's just I felt there were certain things that needed to be said and sorted.. and .. well having it all grind to a halt isn't terribly healthy.


Aysil will be well looked after in menzoberranzan, for whilst she will have the upper hand due to her being female, she will still be under the heavy instruction of Anya. I am unsure if you have met her, but she's an incredibly strong, very proud, extremely well mannered young woman. She wont take any nonsense, I believe those traits come from her Mother, and if it doesn't work out.. well I will keep you updated regardless. with Nautilous being around I am certain she will be better behaved.

I will of course take on your advisement when it comes to the family dinner, the last thing I want to do is make things uncomfortable for anyone, especially Mother. Baby steps, for in reality it took well over a couple of decades for her to get to this point.. its not going to be repaired overnight.


I am indeed curious to hear about the temples and the earthquake.. I dont recall there ever being such an environmental event in the past, I do wonder what set that off. I understand the chaos though if the records have been upturned. Close relations such as those you have spoken about could well be seen as scandalous. Is it truly wise to be keeping it all so secret though? Couldn't that have the possibility to make things worse?.. What a mess. I will be sure to keep everyone away for the time being, until the dust has settled. You will keep me informed yes? The records keeping at the temple was such a big deal for me, and its uncovered so much so far as our family is concerned, but now I guess questions will form..what else is there?


One further thing to be aware of, since you will both be traversing this land together, After a bit of research in my down time Id come to a conclusion that does not sit well in my stomach.. Mother is no longer under the protection of any God or Goddess. If she ..goddess forbid it.. happens to befall an injury that is not life sustainable, she wont come back from it. I really have no suggestions on how to rectify this.. Other than her turning to another God .. other than Hanali naturally due to her ties with your Brother, and that of her Father.. Im at a bit of a loss. I simply urge you caution, for I saw your reaction in that surgery Diovan when you were of the thought that you had lost her..if it happens again she probably wont come back.


I apologise for leaving on a very sombre note, I have a few things I need to see to here. But I will be in touch soon.


Take care Diovan, and Thankyou ..really for everything

-Jacob

[BadInfluence]

Jacob,



Forgive me for wishing to inflect a bit of a laugh into this letter but as I was reading and I saw you stating that you would permit him I nearly slid out of my seat laughing. Besides your mother I don’t think a soul alive has ever actually been able to put those words into action and yet if someone were… I am very sure you would be one of the few who could.



On the more serious side though? Someone very wise once told me that if you worry about something you end up suffering the deed twice. If we tried to ease them into it or build them up to it, we would be fighting an uphill battle for months if not years, and if you are correct about all of this then that is simply time we do not have. I fear tossing them into the deep end is the only way to do it. We will end up with both parties likely hurting, bruised and sore from it, but at the least it will be handled and sorted finally. I doubt either of us would be well liked by any party, and I fear that regardless of how much my heart was in this for her betterment, she will feel betrayed by me for this… At times I think she feels I am the only one in her corner and this will smart far more than anything else likely has. I admit I do not look forward to this particular event with any measure of excitement but I know it must be done for her betterment.



I have no doubt that Aysil will go where it is best for her. Your mother and father have both always tried to do their best by her much as any parent does, sadly we don’t always pass muster but we try all the same, even if it is late in the game. I find myself being thoroughly educated in this new phase of my life by these revelations. Drow are our enemy and always have been since their fall and yet I am coming to find that they are not what we have believed for so very long. You seem as though you are content where you are and I am finding that I have much more to learn than I previously thought. Life apparently has something to teach us regardless of our age.



Sadly I do honestly wish Rose could have come up. I know nothing about her honestly, the one time I saw her she was dying in a hospital bed and you were a wreck, though from what I have heard she is easy to like though hard to understand. Not always a bad thing, your mother when she was younger was incredibly flighty, she never settled on one thing longer than a day. I think her only constants were her love of water and billy buttons. Which is my own small hint to you for when you come up… A small gift of a certain said flower will go a long way to smooth any lingering rough edges.



As for the earthquake the fact is that Arvandor has never had one before. Ever. It was terrifying for everyone who had never experienced such things before, there was a good deal of panic and no small bit of chaos sadly, and while most of the temple took damage the rest of Arvandor was entirely damage free. It’s had many of us wonder if Hanali herself might have caused it, wishing to bring to light certain things of the past, and if not her then who? Arvandor has always been peaceful but it’s no mystery that the last few centuries things have become… Different… There’s been a slow corruption for a very long time now and it’s starting to show, many fear that Slaanesh is eating away at the edges of the barrier, wishing to consume the souls of the Eldari once more… We are few and far now, we elves, this is our last haven from She Who Thirsts… Some small groups have formed that are thinking Hanali has become too weak without a regular consort to keep the shields up and thus the infection has begun to spread…



I fear… And this is just my ideas… But I Fear that Hanali had revealed those records to show us who was a little too closely related so that they might be cast out to the Surface… If there are less elves in Arvandor then there is less chance of the corruption spreading and Hanali might in fact be able to closer monitor those left so that things can begin again from the start. I feel your mother knows this and this is why she is wishing to leave Arvandor to the surface for some time, after all she and I are cousins and while not as closely related as some, it’s enough to cast a light on us if what I feel is true comes to pass. If we leave before it happens there’s a chance we can return later without the ah… Shadow being cast on us.



With all that said though I was not aware of this particular circumstance, I thought she was much as your father and I am, gods blood runs through us so we don’t have to serve under one to be safe. I do not think that your mother wishes to be under anyone’s yolk and I find that really quite disturbing… I fear I might have to talk to your Grandmother about this and find out what is going on and what might be done. I doubt Sydel will wish to be around Hanali anymore, she’s left that part of herself behind with Sybelle, and that leaves few others to choose from… A very somber thought indeed… Perhaps it is time your mother meets her mother in law on a more face to face basis… Something a bit more than a passing visit and see what we might hash out.



Thank you for the heads up and I hope that all goes well for you and your surprise wedding. I will write soon if I can talk your mother around to it which, with any luck at all, I do hope to do…



Take care of yourself,



Diovan